torture

PUYAT ARAW ARAW.
2 0'clock n siguro pinaka maagang tulog
nkaharap sa pc
type
click
soundtrip
photoshop
chat
fs
lahat..
di ku na maalis sa sistema ko ang pc
ang kapalit... pgsakit ng mata ko.. sobrang bugbog n ng mata ko at sana naman wag dumating ung point na tuluyan n xang lumabo..
dat's y.. sinusulit ku n lng remaining days n mkkpgPC ako dahil lapit n pasukan
at least pg nasa apartment ako malayo ang pc at walang internet
sana nga..

disiplina.
sa
sarili.

yan ang wala ako at yan ang hirap akong ibigay sa sarili ko.
inaamin ko n madami ako pingsisisihang bagay dahil sa pglagpas ko sa limitasyon ko... pero di mu naman masusukat ung kasiyahan n nakukuha mo sa pggawa ng mga bagay na yon... puhunan mo yon para sumaya. pero ung mga mata ko mahal ko.. kya oo.. titigil na ko sa kaadikang to sa pc.. saka mgpapasukan na kelangan n magseryoso mg aral.

jeni.monologue
ciao

falling...

i always feel happy this past few days
whenever i talk to this person i am always excited to talk to
i enjoy teasing him
making fun of him
playing games with him
laughing at him
laughing with him
talking to him anything that comes along our minds

he's making me happy
eventhough he may not know that he does
now and then i always wanted to have a conversation with him
anything, even if it's not important at all
i just love the feeling that we are connected
...even if it's just through the net

i love it when i bully him though afraid at the same time that he'll get pissed off and never want to talk to me again
i love it when he says sweet words though most of them were jokes
i love every moment i've shared with him and i'm afraid that those moments will going to end one day
i love the thought that i knew him, that we became close and attached
but i'm afraid to realize that i am falling for him
because i don't know how to deal with it
and i'm more afraid that once he knew what i'm feeling
everything will be changed and will eventually fade...

ayaw matulog

ayaw matulog ng diwa ko.
tuloy tuloy lng sa pagpindot ang kamay ko.
parang di napapgod ang mata ko.
kaya heto patuloy pa rin sa pgtapos ng entry na to.

di tlga ko makatulog.
oo inaamin ko adik na ko sa pggamit ng computer n may internet.
pero masaya naman ako dito.
dami ko nakikita nalalaman nakikilala.

hayy.
pero nagyon hndi tlga ko makatulog.
sigh

sigh

i've heard it again...
her song...
the song she made for him...
the song he cried on...
the song that ended the once "us"

i can't say a lot...
it still hit me...
straight to my heart
bringing me pain
but not as much the first tym i've heard it.

"i love you still" she entitled it
for her ex bf that she loves
for her ex bf that was my bf that tym she made the song
for her ex bf that became my ex bf when her song won his heart

they share their love for each other once more
i lost him
she gained him back.

sigh.

those were my crazy times
when i felt my heart crying out loud
i love him
he said he loves me too
but he loves her more
and he's going back to her.

and it's our end...
the continuation of them...
the beginning of my pains.

she did great. her song was brillant although it hurts me.
but that was years ago.
things have changed.
i've moved on i guess.
yes i do.

im not hearing so much of them these days...

if she loves him still i dont know
if he loves her still i dont know either
if i love him still, i know. and it's a yes.
i've changed. i've moved on. i've accepted the facts.
but yes i still love him.
it won't be changed.
i don't believe that a love for someone, whoever he/she is in your life, will cease.
it will remain no matter what happens...
for once someone became a part of you, you'll never lost him/her.
they'll stay... in your heart.

i love him still but maybe not as much as before.
and im happy wherever he is now.

hate that i love you

the exam's a hell. i failed.

math 100 take 3.
naisip ku lng sayang ang mga tuesdays and fridays ng sem n to n nilaan ko for this subject, knowing n etong subject lng n to ang dahilan ng pgpasok ko with these days.
isang malamig n singko lng din pla ko pupulutin.

im ashamed to my mother. sayang lahat ng benta nya sa tindahan. binagsak ko lng pala.
dats d sad and bitter fact. disregarded effort, shit.

hndi ko alam kung anu gsto ko. i have endured enough sa subject n to still di pa rin pala time to move on to next level.

i hate that i love this subject so much. na kailangan kong ulit-ulitin T.T.... hanggang kelan ba.

im tired.

a while ago, i said that i believe on the reality of miracles. naniniwala p rin ako. mghihimala n papasa pa rin ako dito.

-_-

morning blues

good morning :p
i am the first to greet myself saya saya. haha. umagang kabaliwan n naman. i woke up 3:30 to make my o.b take home exam. wew. late ku n narealize n kelangan pla my margin both sides. ayun, i didn't rewrite it, ung numbers 4 & 5 n lng nlagayan ku n margin. bahala na. i'm excited of my vacation na. yihooooo. after ng exam mmya. hooray. fun fun fun. ♥

things i have to do this summer:
-h.s yearbook
-summer class

waw.
waw.
deym.
di rin pala bakasyon T.T

wew, at least my 2-3 weeks naman na break tlga kase summer class starts at april 20+ ata.

haaay. im not feeling well. kinakabahan ako sa exam ku mmya sa calculus. T.T grabe ang bigat ng feeling. ayoko ng bumagsak pa uLIT. help me lord. ayoko n talaga. ayoko ayoko ayokoooooooooooo mg take 3 ng calculus. freakin mathematics grrrr. im supposed to be reviewing ngaun pero la pa ko sa mood. preoccupied n ko ng kaba ko honestly. HOPEFULLY, gosh!!! im not losing hope n papasa ko kahit 3. PLEASE. i remember a friend's sms, "miracles do happen"... yah they do i know. i know im gonna make it. please. sana walang maxadong integration problems mmya.. dat's my only worry kasi hirap tlga ku dun sobra. ok lng kung mga revenue problems kaya ku p yun wag lng simplification evaluation integration differentiation. T.T bigat tlga ng feeling. the last exam in this beloved subject, i felt so down. hindi naman n-blank ung paper ku. in fact nasagot ku lahat ng items but i know n mali gnwa ko. i need to pass this one tlga. grabe. please. my mind's floating around n naman. filled with nothing. la n pumapasok sa isip ko. 6:13 na nid to go at 10, i have almost 3 hours p cguro to study. but i dont know kung may maabsorbe ako. T.T i hate it.

wew.
.
.
.
.
.
speechless.
bored.
nervous.
sleepy.
tired.

is this gonna be a happy day? can i make it a happy dei? il see later pg tapos ng exam. gr. and hopefully it will.

godbless me. be with me. amen.

bad habit

im becoming a worse net slave. i can't make myself stop browsing whenever i open the pc. friendster, youtube, ym. i stay up late most of the times. this is not good i know. but what can i do. i think pc is a lot more better than using my phone w/c is constantly unloaded. i dont pay our internet connection but i do pay to load my cp so again that's another reason im becoming a worse net slave. wew. im planning to change somehow and i hope (crossfingers both hands and feet) i can alter this worsening habit. grrr. il use the net whenever i need to and i wont spend too much time for browsing nonsense. i wish myself tons of luck.

another "wala lang" entry for today hehe. inabot n naman ako ng umaga.. masama n talga to.. hheehe. XD

first time

first fresh post.

as usual, i don't have any certain topic prepared to put in this entry. kung anu na lng pumasok sa isip ko hehe. i made an account on this site kase i realized n gsto ko tlga bumalik ulit sa pgsusulat. ayun nga lng in the form of blogging na xa. miss my essay writing days with sir michael. miss those times i spend with my journals and diaries writing anything random. i don't know why i suddenly lose the eagerness to write. kung na-trauma n b ko sa mga paper requirements sa school ewan ku ba or maybe dahil n namn sa katamaran hehe. first post sa newly made blog account but i can't realy think of interesting things to share to you. it's holy monday, im actually feeling sleepy and tired but i can't leave this entry hanging since first post nga kya cge il continue talking non-sense n lng XD. haay, im thinking of something i can do this holy week. my mother is planning to go to pangasinan on the holy thursday with my sister and me pero parang ayoko. i prefer staying here in the house pero di ko pa lam. sa isang tulad kong fickle minded to the maximum baka last hour sumama ko bgla. 6 years n rin ata ko di nkapunta dun sa province ni mama pero iniisip ku p lng ung byahe ayoko na. gsto ko n lng matulog at mag-isip hehe.

this holy week i hope i can do something meaningful. kahit personal reflection lng ok na. blessed be this week. amen.